Her Faith Thrives

Guest Post By Emily Estill

Have you ever answered the question “How are you?” with “Fine” or “Good” just to move past it, even though it seems like you are having the worst day of your life? I’ve shown up to a lot of prayer times with God and a bunch more church or small group times saying “I’m fine” when I would have preferred the end of the world so that I didn’t have to keep dealing with whatever pain I was feeling. Moreover, it was often easier to focus on helping other people with their problems than to acknowledge to myself that I was in pain!

There is a passage in Jeremiah that has been impressed upon my heart ever since college:

“‘For from the least of them even to the greatest of them, everyone is greedy for gain, and from the prophet even to the priest everyone deals falsely. They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, saying, “Peace, peace,” but there is no peace.’” – Jeremiah 6:13-14

I am a perfectionist, and it is really hard for me to admit to myself that I have brokenness in me. I want to just be amazing and show everyone how amazing I am, not needing any help and, let’s be honest, not really needing salvation. Yet this verse assumes that God’s people are broken and hiding what is broken inside by just saying everything is “fine” when it’s not.

---

I was writing a Bible study for a weekend retreat with my college friends and had a certain psalm on my heart. I sat down with Psalm 25 and read the first verse: “I lift up my soul to the Lord.” I was about to just go on to the next verse, when I felt drawn to read the first verse again. It took me a moment to catch on, but it was like God was asking me, 

Do you lift your soul to Me, Emily? 

I didn’t quite know what to say. I’d been in church for most of my life and, honestly, thought I had a closer relationship with God than many of the people that I went to church with. I had regular prayer times and read Scripture often, but I wondered how I would even begin to do what David had done in lifting up his soul to the Lord. Did that mean just giving my burdens to God? I’d been trying to learn how to surrender and trust God for years, though I hadn’t felt successful yet. Little did I know the wonderful and challenging journey I was embarking on with the Lord! 

When talking about cultivating more meaningful friendships within your community, it may seem strange to begin by considering the level of intimacy in your relationship with God. However, intimacy with God is the foundation for meaningful connection in community. To be honest, I have found it impossible to lead or even go with others into a place that I haven’t been to myself. If I haven’t discussed an area of my life with God, I don’t have any depth or richness to offer others. We might discuss a topic as a group, but I will stay surface-level until the Lord helps me dig into those deep places of my heart. 

Let’s take a moment to discuss the word “intimacy” because I think it often bears connotations that I don’t mean to convey. I do not mean physical intimacy with another person but rather being known by God. If the word bothers you, I’d encourage you to think about “closeness” with God and others. I mean specifically having those deep things of your heart be known by someone else. Perhaps those are painful moments in your past or secret sins, whatever it is that you hold close and hidden. I don’t even like to remember those things for myself, let alone share them with anyone else! 

God made us for close relationship with Himself just as He is in relationship within the Trinity. We are designed to be known and loved. But sin entered the world and now we tend to hide from God and other people, just as Adam and Eve did. My own sense of shame or fear of being judged tempts me to hide. Yet what I have come to learn is when I choose to hide behind a mask, then only my mask can be loved. If someone else only ever sees my mask, they may adore my mask but have no opportunity to actually love the real me. The same is true in my relationship with God: if I stay hidden, His true unconditional love can’t touch and heal those deep places of the heart. 

Honestly, I often don’t even want to admit any of those things that are in the deep recesses of my heart to myself, so I need the Holy Spirit to help me acknowledge them before God and myself. I personally need quiet moments before God to see what questions He might stir up in my soul about things I haven’t admitted to myself. But once God and I have broached the deep place together, then, like the psalmist, I too can lift up my soul to the Lord.

Nonetheless, being honest with myself, God, and even other people still does not come easily to me. Yet I have found it to be incredibly healing, so I want to invite you to join me in the freedom of taking your mask off and being loved for who you are. I find comfort in the fact that Jesus already knows me, because He is the Good Shepherd who knows His sheep. The abundant life He came to give us involves knowing Him (John 17:3) and being known by Him so that we can fully experience His unconditional love. 

God’s love doesn’t ignore sin but brings it out into the light. The Spirit convicts of sin and righteousness (John 16:8) and does so in a way that doesn’t condemn us. Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” That verse has been a mainstay for me in the past year, as I have practiced being honest with God and myself for the first time in some ways. I’ve been finding deep recesses of my heart that I didn’t even know existed because of the Spirit bringing those parts of my heart into the light and revealing sin. Yet there is no condemnation for me because of Jesus’ sufficient sacrifice on the cross. Meaning that I get to experience healing, freedom, and restoration. 

I may not have known about some of the places that I was hiding and pretending to be “fine” in, but God’s invitation to face those deep places together by lifting my soul to Him has offered deeper peace and intimacy than I had known was possible. Do you want to cultivate meaningful relationships and an enriching community? Our God extends the same invitation to you: pursue intimacy with Him and it will enable you to share your life with others.  

Reflection questions 

• Growth: Are there points of pain that you have hidden from God and perhaps also yourself? What would it look like to bring those deep places of the heart to Him?
• Connection: What feeling does the thought of taking your mask off with other people evoke? Take a moment to be honest with yourself if there is fear, shame, or perhaps relief!
• Gratitude: Express thanks to God for being the One who knows and loves you. 

This article was written by Emily Estill. Emily was raised in the Austin area, and graduated from Houston Baptist University. She feels blessed to have come to know Mindy while living and working in Central Texas.

For Further Encouragement

Were you encouraged by this blog post? I would love to connect with you on our special Her Faith Thrives Newsletter which goes out every other month. In each newsletter, I share a short reflection about how I’m growing in my faith during this season of life. Plus, I’ll be sending you some fantastic resources to inspire and guide you on your own faith journey. When you subscribe, you will receive my all-time favorite tool for making your Daily Quiet Time truly meaningful. It’s called “From Routine to Reverence: 3 Simple Steps to a Deeper Daily Quiet Time.” I can’t wait to hear how it helps you deepen your time in God’s Word.