In loving memory of baby Gabriel. I am so thankful that I got to carry you for 9 weeks and 5 days. Our gracious God knit you together in my womb and even though your entire life was lived there, your soul is eternal. I trust you are enjoying God in His beauty and majesty, untouched by the brokenness of our world except in your exit of it. I am honored to have stewarded your life and look forward to the day I get to see you in the presence of our Maker.
Whether through a miscarriage, a child born never to live on this earth, one taken so shortly after or even at the prime of their lives – the loss of a life you have carried, cherished, loved, mothered is one we hope to never experience. Yet this side of heaven, this kind of suffering touches the lives of so many mothers over and over again.
Mary the mother of Jesus was no stranger to the loss of a child. Hers was the Messiah, the one who prophets preceded and announced. She accepted the miraculous nature of her conception, of God becoming a human being, knit together in her womb, and mothered by her. She treasured all that concerned Him, even the prophecy when she and Joseph brought Him to the temple – a sword will pierce your own soul also (Luke 2:34-35). She stood at the foot of the cross where He died, witnessing the horrific execution of her innocent son by the will of God. She knew He had come to die and when He died at age 33, she was there. The woman who bravely accepted the complete disruption of her life to take part in the miracle of Christ’s humanity. The woman who mothered and loved Him, was the same one who watched Him die. She had an extraordinary assignment and was faithful to the end. She carried Him in life, stood by Him in death and ultimately, did not lose confidence in God.
There are those who have watched in horror as their children are taken from them in violence. My heart breaks for you. Then there are those like me who watch the outworking of death – the result of living in a world marred by the effects of sin – take away our babies in the womb. In this harsh reality, where is hope to be found?
Honestly there is no hope in wishful thinking or positivity. No, death exposes all those things for the fallacies that they are. Our hope must go beyond this life and we have the example of the faithful witnesses who have gone before us showing us the way. Considering Mary’s faithful motherhood in the light of excruciating loss, we too can be faithful to honor God with the lives He has given us to steward and then grieve. We can live faithful and hopeful lives despite our loss by:
Remembering God is Sovereign
And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also), so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” (Luke 2:34-35 ESV)
Mary had the privilege of mothering Jesus while He was alive and the heartbreaking honor of doing so in His death as well. Now, she is in the place where all things are made new. Where death has no sting and where her slain son is the Conquering King.
Our God determines the number of days we will all live even before any one of them comes to be. The length of days your baby lived were determined before death took them away. You had the privilege of stewarding their lives for all the days He planned. When God, who had chosen the course of your baby’s life, determined to place him/her with you, God knew your baby would be loved and cherished like He cherished them. Your assignment to love was sweet yet heartbreaking because of its brevity. God picked you for both the sweetness and the heartbreak. The precious soul you had the chance to mother, exists and will live forever in the presence of our awe-inspiring God. Forever whole and deeply satisfied in the presence of the God whose goodness knows no bounds.
Submit to God’s Will
And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her. (Luke 1:38 ESV)
Resistance is easy to adopt in the face of grief. A hardening of the heart against the God who would choose to do things in such a hard and heartbreaking way. Yet it is still true that His wisdom remains inscrutable. We do not see everything as it really is this side of heaven. We are limited by our humanity in ways that God is not. In his good and perfect will – your baby is completely taken care of even though you are not the one doing it. Your God is accomplishing for you the greatest fulfillment of His promise of hope and eternal life in ways you cannot think or imagine or fully experience on this earth. Do not fight Him, submit to His purposes with eyes of faith knowing that the afflictions you experience in this life are achieving for you an eternal weight of glory that (by every stretch of the imagination and beyond) FAR outweighs them all.
Treasure the Things God does
When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. (Luke 2:15-19 ESV)
Holding dear God’s ways and His dealings with you in every area of life is hard but worthwhile. Bring your heart before the Lord as you grieve and as you celebrate life. Take note of His faithfulness and goodness in both small and large ways. This practice will allow you to see Him more clearly. To see Him for who He really is even in light of your excruciating loss.
Magnify the Lord
And Mary said, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior (Luke 1:46-47 ESV)
Life is all about God and His glory. When our hearts are properly oriented around this truth, we will experience abundant life. This is the posture of those who drink deeply of living water and never thirst again. Loss can cause wrestling, seeking and wondering. Use those times to affirm what is true about God, talk to Him about what seems amiss and cry out for Him to open your eyes so that gazing upon Him is completely satisfying to your grieving soul.
The truth is this side of heaven we are guaranteed trials. However, our ultimate hope is in Christ who has overcome the world. We naturally never want to experience this kind of loss and having experienced it, never want to experience it again. This good desire is evidence of hearts longing for the full redemption of everything. Yet in this world, we choose to live for Christ even when our lives are shot through with trials of every kind. Our Savior conquered the grave and that power lives in us even as we claim victory over these graves.
For Further Encouragement
Were you encouraged by this blog post? I would love to connect with you on our special Her Faith Thrives Newsletter which goes out every other month. In each newsletter, I share a short reflection about how I’m growing in my faith during this season of life. Plus, I’ll be sending you some fantastic resources to inspire and guide you on your own faith journey. When you subscribe, you will receive my all-time favorite tool for making your Daily Quiet Time truly meaningful. It’s called “From Routine to Reverence: 3 Simple Steps to a Deeper Daily Quiet Time.” I can’t wait to hear how it helps you deepen your time in God’s Word.
Her Faith Thrives 
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