Her Faith Thrives

Guest Post By Elena Wiggins

Motherhood is both the easiest and hardest thing I have ever done. It is beautiful and messy. It is sanctifying, humbling, and revealing of my selfishness, pride, and stubbornness. It has stretched me, in these eighteen months, far thinner than I thought possible. Yet, through God’s grace, nearness, provision, and faithfulness, it has pointed me towards Him. Motherhood reminds me of my need for God and my inability to do it alone. 

Soon after his birth, my eighteen-month-old son started experiencing moderate to severe reflux symptoms. He also had irritated eczema. With my experience as a pediatric nurse practitioner and my husband’s personal experience with food allergies, we put our heads together and decided to slowly eliminate different food groups to check if our son’s symptoms were related to food that I was ingesting and passing along while nursing him. Sure enough, after months of eliminating and reintroducing foods, followed by blood work ordered by our pediatrician, we discovered he was sensitive to five food groups: dairy, soy, eggs, almonds, and white potatoes.

Within weeks of eliminating all these food groups from my diet (and his own, once we introduced solids), his symptoms mostly cleared up. He was about seven months old at the time. During those months, I was daily reminded of my own selfishness as I pined after beloved foods, I suddenly had strong cravings for, but could not eat because it would mean causing my son discomfort. To be honest, there were more than a few times I “cheated”, nibbling on a cookie or other pastry or “forgetting” to tell the waiter to leave the nuts and cheese off my salad. Sure enough, my son would react within the day and I would feel ashamed and guilty that I put my own fleeting cravings above his comfort. 

The most challenging part of being a mother, however, has been chronic sleep deprivation. Our son wasn’t absorbing and digesting my breast milk properly due to his food sensitivities, so he was waking frequently the first year. I felt guilty not feeding a possibly hungry baby, so I continued to wake up whenever he cried, and this continued even after we had figured out his food sensitivities and he was gaining weight.

I massively underestimated how much teething would upset our lives. When he was around six months old, our son had six teeth come in during a span of five weeks. Then, from thirteen to sixteen months of age, he had eight teeth (molars and canines, which were notably more painful) in twelve weeks. This meant a return to our newborn pace of night awakenings, every one and a half to two and a half hours. There were only a handful of nights when he would manage three or four hours of sleep before waking. Nursing was the only thing that would comfort him, so I was awake throughout the night feeding him.

Eventually, probably from such a long duration of disrupted and decreased sleep, my body started responding with insomnia. I’d be awake even while he was asleep, which was incredibly frustrating. I also experienced panic attacks, even when my mind didn’t feel anxious. My heart would pound, and I couldn’t calm it down regardless of what I tried. 

It was difficult to reach out and ask for people to come over and help in practical, tangible ways since all of this happened during the height of the global pandemic! I didn’t want to seem like a Debbie Downer to other friends, since I felt like I was a broken record, explaining the new challenge I was facing, every time I caught up with them. I allowed self-pity, bitterness, and anger to take root in my heart. The ensuing results led me to have a negative attitude, often choosing to say sarcastic and hurtful things to my husband. I also experienced some version of the Baby Blues on the days when I was especially exhausted. My husband was a constant support and helped in very practical ways, however some days were still incredibly lonely and hard. 

But God. 

Ah, what a powerful statement! But God never left me. I sensed His nearness. His unstoppable and extravagant love. His amazing grace and forgiveness when I chose to say angry words or wallow in self-pity. His provision of a supportive husband, family, and Christian community.  All these things were constant evidence of His faithfulness over my life as a worn-out mama. 

The support of Christian community was a powerful way God helped me as a new mom. Their prayers, meal trains, gift cards to restaurants, encouraging texts, surprise gifts in the mail, and practical tips were all a buoy that kept me afloat on the hard days of motherhood. 

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

These comforting words from Psalm 34:18 have been an encouragement in different seasons and rang true as a mom. I share this long history of the not-so-glamorous parts of my entrance into motherhood, not to discourage or scare anyone, but to show that despite challenges, seemingly unruly emotions, and chronic sleep-deprivation, God is still good. God still reigns. God is still near. 

My heart, my strength, and even my mind seemed to fail at times. I definitely felt “crushed in spirit” under the weight I was carrying. But He never left me. I thank God that He provided deep friendships where I could be honest about the hard days and my struggles with the responsibilities of motherhood. A level of honesty, which required a vulnerability only possible within trusted relationships. I praise God because He was near and saved me from feeling desperate, helpless, and hopeless for too long.

Reflection Questions: 

• Growth: Is there anything the Holy Spirit is using to remind you of His love right now that can bolster you as you seek community in your specific season? 
• Connection: Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind at least one woman in your Christian community who you can ask for help. 
• Gratitude: What evidence of God’s grace and goodness do you see in your season, even amidst its difficulties? Write them down on a post-it note and stick it somewhere you can see this week. Keeping a gratitude journal that you use weekly can also be a great way to continually focus on His gifts rather than your hardships.

Elena Wiggins was born in Romania, grew up in the Pacific Northwest, then moved to Texas when she married her husband in 2017. She was a pediatric nurse practitioner until she gave birth to her son and is now a SAHM. A few of her favorite things include: quiet mornings studying the Word with classical music in the background and a delicious flora tea to sip while her heart is refreshed, flowers arranged in little vases around the house to brighten the rooms, taking walks around the neighborhood park with her husband and son, traveling (back when that was a thing), and reading a multitude of books, which she reviews on her blog, Beautiful Hope

For Further Encouragement

Were you encouraged by this blog post? I would love to connect with you on our special Her Faith Thrives Newsletter which goes out every other month. In each newsletter, I share a short reflection about how I’m growing in my faith during this season of life. Plus, I’ll be sending you some fantastic resources to inspire and guide you on your own faith journey. When you subscribe, you will receive my all-time favorite tool for making your Daily Quiet Time truly meaningful. It’s called “From Routine to Reverence: 3 Simple Steps to a Deeper Daily Quiet Time.” I can’t wait to hear how it helps you deepen your time in God’s Word.