Her Faith Thrives

Guest Post By Emily Estill.

How do you interact with people? Do your habits tend to cultivate a safe community? I’ve been in the church community throughout my life, and I’ve usually found it easy to talk with people. Well, I’m somewhat shy, but if I feel like I can help someone then I tend to reach out a little more. The easy part for me is getting other people to talk, and never really bringing up my own life! You might be one of those people who finds it easy to share about your own life, or you might be more like me and prefer to ask questions and listen. Regardless of our interaction preferences, we need to be willing to listen well and share what is going on in our lives.

Being raised in church means that I’ve seen different types of people, and I’ve learned to hide from many of them! Churches are a gathering place for sinners, and a prevalent sin in the church is being judgmental. Whenever I feel judged, I don’t feel safe to share those deeper places in my heart that haven’t fully known love yet. A judgmental church community cultivates isolation and the tendency to hide rather than encouraging the beauty of brokenness leading to restoration.

Vulnerability in community requires courage, but I’ve been hiding from imperfect church communities for years. However, just as I realized with my relationship with God, I can’t be fully loved if I hide behind a mask and pretend that I’m “just fine” when there is really brokenness inside (read more about this in the previous post).   

I’m learning that there can be healing by opening up with other believers, but I also need to be careful who I share with. Safe people invite others to share things about themselves without judgment. Their goal is for people to experience Jesus’ love, forgiveness, and freedom. Unsafe people pursue connection with others but tend to have ulterior motives. They may want to control others or make themselves feel better by making others feel ashamed. Those are not the ideal choices for community, and yet they may be (and likely are) in the community you find yourself in. 

Interacting with unsafe people requires wisdom, as sharing those deepest parts of your heart would be risky. While I have been hurt by opening up with unsafe people, I have also found that they need the same grace I do. Just as God offers freedom without condemnation (Romans 8:1), so I am invited to offer love and grace to them while also using discretion in what I share with them.

That means that as important as it is to find safe people to connect with, it is also important to be a safe person. When I connect with others, I have to ask myself pretty often, In what ways am I really just trying to control someone else? Sometimes I find myself just looking for a particular outcome or a behavior modification, especially if the person I am interacting with has a habit that affects me regularly. When I discover these ulterior motives in myself, it’s an opportunity to repent and realign myself with the goal of offering love and acceptance to others so that they can better know Jesus’ love for them.

Community that invites brokenness and the healing that Jesus offers cultivates freedom to share real burdens. This is part of what the Body of Christ is designed for (Galatians 6:2). Those burdens that are normally hidden under a mask of “I’m fine” are finally welcome to come into the light. Then each person in the community can find and accept the rest Jesus offers to the weary and burdened (Matthew 11:28-30). In this way of interacting together, there is a place to be known and loved by God and His people. We can be the Beloved of the Lord together!

Reflection questions 

• Growth: Take a moment to review how you interact with people: do your habits help cultivate a safe community?
• Connection: Who are people in your life that you feel safe to share anything with? If no one comes to mind, I’d encourage you to ask the Lord to provide some of those people and to give you wisdom and discernment regarding the people already around you. If someone does come to mind, invite them to chat with you on a deeper level.
• Gratitude: Take some time to give thanks to God for His vision of the Body of Christ as His beloved on whom He has compassion.

This article was written by Emily Estill. Emily was raised in the Austin area, and graduated from Houston Baptist University. She feels blessed to have come to know Mindy while living and working in Central Texas.

For Further Encouragement

Were you encouraged by this blog post? I would love to connect with you on our special Her Faith Thrives Newsletter which goes out every other month. In each newsletter, I share a short reflection about how I’m growing in my faith during this season of life. Plus, I’ll be sending you some fantastic resources to inspire and guide you on your own faith journey. When you subscribe, you will receive my all-time favorite tool for making your Daily Quiet Time truly meaningful. It’s called “From Routine to Reverence: 3 Simple Steps to a Deeper Daily Quiet Time.” I can’t wait to hear how it helps you deepen your time in God’s Word.